Dangerous Faith
Dangerous Faith is a ministry that strives to light a fire inside of Everyday Christians to live radically for Christ so that we can glorify God by advancing His Kingdom.
Dangerous Faith
#78: Dangerous Conversations with Cori and Nikki– Christian Dating in Your 30s
Nate Williams talks with Cori and Nikki about their dating life as young ladies in their 30s. What is the dating pool like? Do they have any advice for anyone else in similar situations?
Nate has previously interviewed Nikki (#31: Dangerous Conversations with Nikki Kent on Healing from Divorce and Her Life After).
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Is there something physical that's like a make or break for you? Because I have one, and it's weird. It's weird. Should I say it after Go for it.
Speaker 2:We're here already, Kori.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, no, because I don't want everybody to be like that's weird.
Speaker 2:Is it like six toes or something?
Speaker 3:Now mine is a high. No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:Wow, how did I know?
Speaker 1:All right, so Nikki's is a high.
Speaker 3:I have to have six toes. Good luck. No wonder you're still single right.
Speaker 2:There's more than you think Corey's like. You know that date went really well. Take off your shoes.
Speaker 3:I need feet pics. I will pay you $5. Let's count them. It's time to count the piggies. Wait, what happened to this extra piggy? What did he do?
Speaker 2:The song did nothing about six piggies. I just said something so stupid. All right, so let's give Corey a moment to compose herself. Welcome back to the Dangerous Faith podcast, and with me I have a couple dear friends, nikki and Corey and today we will talk about the dating scene, the dating pool, dating stories, and I'm sure we'll have a good time doing it, and you may or may not be, depending on your life situation, you might recall your dating days, or maybe you are right in it and you're trying to figure things out as well, and I think we'll just have a good time talking about all this stuff, relationship stuff, and, uh, maybe from a christian perspective. But anyways, ladies, uh, cory, how are you doing?
Speaker 1:I'm great. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm doing wonderful, nikki peachy keen peachy keen. Peachy keen, I like my favorite color?
Speaker 1:I did not know that, what color?
Speaker 2:is keen, though, know that what color is keen though, Like peachy, what color is?
Speaker 1:keen, it's just an accent, okay. Okay, you know, it's like the little scallops on the edge of it. Okay, I feel that.
Speaker 2:We're going to have a blast Now. All right, so in a few words that will probably become a whole episode. But how would y'all describe the dating pool out there? Any honest opinions Terrible.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's good and there's bad.
Speaker 2:Mostly bad Okay. There's a lot of people out there and it is and there's a hold on, but some would say that's a positive.
Speaker 3:A lot of people out there yeah, but they're not a lot of good people with good qualities well, and also like whenever you have too many options okay you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Like I. Just I think it's easier for people to not commit to like a certain one person after you narrowed it down.
Speaker 2:Is it like to wait to see if there's something better out there? Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like you know, the grass is always greener, but it's actually not. It's usually Brown.
Speaker 2:The grass is usually Brown on the other side. Yeah, we'll make that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Especially if you have something like good right in front of you. You know, like if somebody is like no, you're great, I think you're a great person. You know you're a good mom and you're just like, and they're like, but I'm going to, you know, go do this, or like, you know, see what's out there. And then you're like, you just told me all of that.
Speaker 3:So you know what I mean. I think sometimes they say it just to make you feel good and not like, instead of just like completely letting you down.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, and they very well could you know, but it's also one of those things I feel like sometimes they're just saying it to to be nice, and it's like to like to let you down slowly and easily and not just be like I think you suck, right, right, you know, and they're just trying to find a gentle way to put it down instead of like ghosting you, like what happens to me a lot.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, but they come back sometimes, yeah sometimes not always so you're saying a lot of options but, that can actually work against you, because people are just, I guess, looking around and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So there's just too many options sometimes, and especially for for people that are already looking for commitment. I think it just is an easy way for cheating or just not committing at all playing games with people.
Speaker 3:Now see, I haven't ran into that Like in the past years of me dating like. I've like it's always been serious, you know.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 3:Yes, Like I haven't had, you know.
Speaker 1:That's not my experience at all.
Speaker 3:Yes, because, like you know, it's been one of those that you know, the ones I have dated. It's been serious, you know, like pretty much from the get-go, like we'd said that you know we weren't talking to anybody else and that's. You know how it stayed until it didn't. Until it didn't and then it was one of those, like we just decided or they ghosted me that it just wasn't going to work.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, it was serious. And then the ghosting Wow. So I guess from y'all's experience, I hear two different sides, so, Corey you're saying maybe things are shallow.
Speaker 2:It's harder to get maybe deeper commitment.
Speaker 1:A lot of options out there.
Speaker 3:Nikki, you're saying there's commitment there right away, until there's not Right.
Speaker 2:And then they're out.
Speaker 3:Or I think what I have experienced is they get comfortable with you and they let their guard down and you see exactly who they are, because they put on all their P's and Q's at the beginning of the relationship and then it's like you see exactly who they are and you're just like, oh, I don't know if I want to do this for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1:You got to cross that at some point, right? Because, like, yes, you know when you're first dating, you're only showing the best of yourself. You're like when is it going to come out?
Speaker 1:Yes, you know, yes and you know it's one of those like you, and I can know that from that other person too. I'm like well, they're only showing me their best selves. This is not always who they are, and that is really trippy to think about. It's like I don't know this person, Right? I don't know anything about them like, other than what they tell me, Right?
Speaker 3:And it's one of those that I've gotten better about it but I was really bad at the beginning just to like let it all out and then they use that against you later down the road. Yeah, I mean like I've, and so I've gotten to where I only allow little things here and there to come out versus all at the front, you know so they can't use it against me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, weeks down the road I've done that too, but it was just because you know what happened in your last relationship. Are you still, you know, on good terms with your son's dad? And like all these questions where it was like I was spilling, spilling all the time to where I just got tired of saying it because I'm just like this is actually information that you don't need to know right now. Right, because I don't know you, right, and yeah, so I've like, for different reasons, I stopped telling as much.
Speaker 2:It's interesting because as you go deeper into a relationship, there's that opening up that you know needs to happen. But if you do it too soon, they can come back and bite you yeah.
Speaker 1:Like she was saying yeah, yeah. So I haven't really run into that, but there was a lot of spillage.
Speaker 3:Sometimes that happens it does happen now what are y'all's thoughts on dating apps?
Speaker 2:is that do they help things, do they hurt things, make things easier, worse? I'll just let that go and y'all tell me what you think there okay, I want to hear what you have to say first okay, so because it's one of those, I have done several dating apps.
Speaker 3:Which ones I've done? Bumble I've done match and I did facebook dating. Okay, and it does help to broaden the fishing pool per se. That was air quotes, not that y'all could see it, but there was air quotes to that fishing pool Because, like, we live in Coleman and yes, coleman is growing, but Coleman is also still very small for certain groups of singles.
Speaker 1:That you're looking for? Did you match for people in Coleman?
Speaker 3:I did like a 50 or 60 mile radius, but there was hardly anybody around my age in Coleman.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't match anybody in Coleman.
Speaker 3:But around my age per se there wasn't very many in Coleman itself that were on dating apps.
Speaker 1:I think I'm on like a hundred mile radius, that's hilarious, but I have.
Speaker 3:I have came across several narcissists on dating apps and I've caught them in lies oh fun, yes, and like we're talking like, screenshotted what they did and sent it back to them and they still were calling me out about what I called them out about. And I was just like, no, that's not how that works.
Speaker 2:Nikki, do you know and love the term gaslighting?
Speaker 1:Oh, it's so cool. I was thinking about that. Yes, it's like some people hate it or some people you know.
Speaker 3:Yes, so it's. I have the term itself.
Speaker 2:Yes, are you talking about the term itself?
Speaker 1:Okay, Not the actual like process of it.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying Nikki's gaslighting people.
Speaker 1:Well, no, she was okay in that moment. She was being gaslit. Yes, yes, Okay. I thought you were maybe talking about the actual term because like it's overused or something. No, Okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:But like I have hung up the dating apps because they have honestly gotten me absolutely nowhere in the whole dating world. You know it was honestly it's great comic relief Like I have laughed so incredibly hard at some of the profiles.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about that in a moment. So keep on with what you're saying, but we're going to go back to creating dating profiles in a moment.
Speaker 3:And it's just one of those. It is good to see like a broad spectrum of guys out there Because, you know, like I said, coleman's very small. There's not. I haven't came across just a ton of single people around my age or older, you know. So that is just a good way to see outside of your normal swimming pool, you know, like fishing pool, fishing hole, yes, you know, it's like my, my dad. We have this running joke where he said there's plenty of fish in the sea and I said, yes, dad, but I live in a pond and there's no fish in the pond. That's true. So I'm done with dating apps because, like, they can paint a really pretty picture on a dating app and then it's not who they are at all.
Speaker 2:That's true. So Nikki is done, she is out with the dating apps.
Speaker 3:Stick a fork in me with those things.
Speaker 2:Now Kori. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 1:Okay. So the dating apps itself, just the thought of just the concept of it. So whoever thought about this thought, you know, thought about making this app because it's like window shopping for potential like boyfriend and that to me, whenever you really think about it, I'm like that's bizarre. I'm like why are we doing? You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:because I'm like you're just like window shopping for people, but you also it's like I tell people there has to be that sort of physical attraction. Definitely, you know. So it helps, so it helps. So what? I? Whenever I was on the dating app you know obviously there was more lifts Could I go on a blind date? No, absolutely not. No, I've been there twice. We'll never do it again. Um, you know there was more lifts than there were rights, but it was one of those. If, if I swapped right, it was because I found them attractive and then I scrolled through their profile and read their profile and went that way.
Speaker 1:So it's all like based on yes and also about because I mean that's going to be your first impression.
Speaker 3:It'll be no different than somebody walking down the street and you're like, oh well, they're cute yeah. You know, I mean it's the same concept. You're just seeing it on your phone versus in person. That's true. So it's that's how I saw it. It was no different than walking in like an airport. Mine was a little bit more the other way.
Speaker 1:But like, ok, so depending on their profile, depends on if I, whichever way, I swipe, and honestly I can't remember which swipe is what way, so I have to just press the button. You know what I mean Like the heart or the X, because I can never remember. But yeah, like I have a list of things that's on their profile that I'm like absolutely hot.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can filter too, which was very nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about that a little bit, as you're going through dating profiles what were some? Uh-ohs nope automatic things you'd see, or phrases or what, what kind of things would set you off and be like, nope, I'm not going to be a match for that person automatically for me was if they had on a baseball cap and sunglasses, like I'm like, I can't say anything about you.
Speaker 3:No, like how can I tell anything by what you look like with a baseball cap and sunglasses on?
Speaker 1:But for me, yes, but also okay. So like, for me it depends on what kind of hat it depends on what's on the hat Right. So me it depends on what kind of hat it depends on, what's on the hat right. So, and I don't, I don't know, I don't want to offend anybody. It's just not my thing, okay, it's just not my thing whenever I see this, just talking real life go ahead like a hurley hat.
Speaker 1:You're out of here hurley hats are no go for out of here, out of here I don't like straight bills either just because yeah, yeah and yeah because you're like you're, but anyways um you're what, cory I'm just like you, just don't make me say it. Don't make me say it, you're a skater boy hats and like you're just too old for that. You know what I mean sunglasses.
Speaker 2:But, anything else?
Speaker 1:Heavily contrasted filters, too many references to Roll Tide, not because of Alabama itself, but I'm just, like I already know the kind of person that you are and I don't want to be friends with you, even.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. All right Understood.
Speaker 1:I have a list, let's see. But okay, so for okay. So your question about dating apps, like the app in general, oh, and bodybuilders, absolutely not Too many gym photos You're out of here, you know. Oh. And so like the app itself, because I was on, all right, y'all have to remember I didn't start dating until like my mid to late 20s.
Speaker 3:Same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:I mean, I got married two weeks before I turned 28, and I dated a year before that. So yeah, I was 27.
Speaker 1:I forgot about that, yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean.
Speaker 1:I forgot that you were. Yeah yeah, yeah, okay All right.
Speaker 2:Speaking of which shameless plug. Nikki and I have a prior episode where we talked about things, so I can go put that in the description for you to find where we talk about some of those past events. But continue, Kori.
Speaker 1:So the of that? Uh, those past events, but continue, corey. Uh, so the apps itself. So, like um, I was on whenever I first started dating. Like after um, it took me three years after the breakup with my son's dad to even consider it. And um, so I'm already like 31 by this time, and so I get on Tinder. That has a stigma around it, but it's okay, because I was kicked off of it because I didn't like enough people. They were like we have terminated you.
Speaker 3:Is that a thing?
Speaker 1:Yes, Stop it. I did not know that they could do that. They banned me so basically, I didn't like enough people, so they were like you got to get off this app. You didn't play the game, right.
Speaker 3:That is hilarious.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like I didn't know you could get kicked off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have the screenshot from it. It's like way deep in my phone. I could find it at some point. But yeah, they were like you're not allowed to be on here anymore because you're not. You don't have enough, you're not liking enough people.
Speaker 3:Now I would like. Whenever I was on Bumble, I would run out of bees a lot. That's what I called them.
Speaker 1:I don't know what that means. Oh, like they're your bees.
Speaker 3:Because, like they were in my beehive you know, like if they liked me they would go to the beehive- that is.
Speaker 1:And then, like I would, I was constantly running out because you know I was just like. You know why I don't ever get on bumble?
Speaker 3:it's because I refuse to message first well, that's the reason I liked it was because I had to send the message first, because I don't like it well from after, but after that they had to message me first, like what do you mean? Like if we started talking, so I would send the first message on Bumble, obviously because you know that's how it rolls. But then if we started talking any time after that? I would never message them first again.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, okay. So I was done messaging them after the first initial message. So you're like weeding out unnecessary, uncomfortable conversations? Okay, yeah, so that's the reason why I've never gotten on Bumble.
Speaker 3:Well, if you notice the ones that are on Bumble or on Match or on Felic, I think they just kind of circle. Oh, that's the thing too.
Speaker 1:They're all on, like they're not just on one, they're on multiples. So I did. I'm on Hinge right now and apparently I don't know if that has a stigma to it, but the reason why I was. I liked it more so than the others and I never did two at a time, it was always one at a time.
Speaker 3:It's too much?
Speaker 1:Yes, too much, not always one at a time too much, yes, too much one at a time to have multiples. I'm like I have a life you know what I mean like I have stuff to do. I can't keep up with it, and then, like these people are like they're gonna forget about me, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I can't do that. And then, um, so I'm on that. Oh, what I liked about it was it you had to like answer prompt questions, so it wasn't just like profile pictures or like basic questions, like it was like um, they're actually pretty good prompt questions, I think. Have you been on it at?
Speaker 3:all no, just matching Bumble. And then you know the Facebook dating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like good questions Like, uh, what would we do on our first date? Um and then it just like somewhere I'd like to travel to, like basic stuff like that, but then it had like really silly ones bumble had questions like that, do they? And apparently okay, so on. I'm on facebook dating now and, yes, it has the most uh traffic. I don't know like, you know what to call it I guessestants we'll call it, I guess. Yeah, let's not use that other word.
Speaker 2:Dang contestants.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, but also I don't know if you knew about this whenever you were on them, but there's actually groups that you can join, that you can share who you're dating to see if anybody else is dating them.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:And like people find out that the person they're going on the date with is married or they, you know, have you know, and like a lot of these people too, have already done the hard work for you, like background checks and stuff.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:No that wasn't.
Speaker 3:that was not a thing whenever I tried it and mine was very short lived.
Speaker 1:It's entertaining to actually to go through just the feed and there's actually been people that have come across my suggestions or whatever that I saw their post like something negative before, like red flags I guess, and I was able to just like avoid that altogether because of that other group.
Speaker 2:Now quick question.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because of that other group. Now quick question there may be some of an older generation that are like y'all, just meet people in real life. Like just go talk to someone around your age, give or take in real life and it should be easy, lots of people around and to people. What might be a response to that for y'all Like just go meet someone.
Speaker 3:Okay, so where in Coleman are you going to go meet someone?
Speaker 2:Where in Coleman? Okay?
Speaker 3:Because I'm not going to go to a bar, because that's not how I roll, like I don't go. I'm not going to go to a bar and try to pick up somebody or anything. I love St John's, but there's not single guys in their 30s at St John's, you know. So that's, you know that's a little difficult. So that would be like if I wanted to find a churchgoer.
Speaker 1:That means I'm going to have to leave St John's, and that makes me real sad to have to leave St John's, you know, yeah, we won't let you. He's already said that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's already said I can't leave. Yeah, so you know, it's one of those and I have been set up by mutual friends and that was also dumpster fire, you know. So it's just kind of one of those you hope to meet somebody, like very organically, like maybe because I have jokingly said now, but after this last ghosting episode, jokingly said now, but after this last ghosting episode, that if I meet someone I'm physically going to have to run into them in Publix, walmart, dollar General or the bank, because that's the only places.
Speaker 2:I go, all right Lord you know what you got to do.
Speaker 1:Because you know it's just one of those. It's in your hands now. Yes, Like.
Speaker 3:Those are my four places. I go on a regular basis and that's it. You know, like I don't go out on Friday nights or Saturday nights, I sit at home, same. I'm just like, I'm just tired of trying to like put myself out there and everything. And then you know you get your hopes up Because you know they seem on paper. Quote unquote.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's like this. Emotions are like this.
Speaker 3:Yes, you know, it's like they seem really good. Honey, I got ghosted by a preacher. What? Yes?
Speaker 2:Hey Nikki, I think this is story time. Tell us about it.
Speaker 3:Oh story time. Hey, nikki, I think this is story time. Tell us about it. Oh story time. So okay, a friend of mine Yay, a friend of mine set us up. It was her boyfriend's brother.
Speaker 1:Her boyfriend's brother Got it.
Speaker 3:Yes, so he had been divorced for about three years, had three kids, which doesn't bother me that people have kids. I don't have any children. Does not bother me with someone with children. Okay, so we, you know, started talking on a Sunday evening or Sunday, like not basically, because it was probably not, y'all had met. No, we had not met yet.
Speaker 1:Y'all just exchanged numbers.
Speaker 3:He sent me a message on Facebook he sent me a friend request on Facebook and then sent me a message and like me a message on Facebook. He sent me a friend request on Facebook and then sent me a message and like we're talking, like it was like a long message on Facebook and I was like, wow, that was his first message.
Speaker 3:Yes, that was his first message. So we talked that way and everything. And then we had talked Sunday night into Monday morning and then around lunch on Monday he had asked me would you want to go out? You know, since we've been talking, I was like sure, he's like well, when are you free? Well, I thought the typical Friday, saturday, you know, date night and everything. He's like well, I have, I don't have my kids on Monday or Tuesday night. And I was like, okay, perfect. He's like would it be too quick to go out tonight? I was like no greater time than the present because if this ain't gonna work, I need to know like right now. Don't get my hopes up. So he like so we meet, and everything had a great time that monday night. You know like my face hurt from smiling and laughing so much. You know, like there was never awkwardness or anything on the date at all.
Speaker 3:Love it and then come to like we actually knew each other from years ago, whenever we were both still married, because he came to my house and did some work at my house before Nice Coleman for you, I know right, small world. So then we're getting ready to leave Monday night and he's like can we do this again? And I was like sure, he's like what about tomorrow night? And I said okay.
Speaker 1:Like picked you up and like can we do this again? And I was like sure he's like what about tomorrow night? And I said, okay, like picked you up and like dropped you off, yes, would love to see you again. Monday night we did Like Monday night we met.
Speaker 3:Like he came to my work and picked me up because I didn't want him to know where. I live. Because, at that point we didn't know. Yes, at that point we couldn't pinpoint how it was that we knew each other. So Tuesday night he comes and gets me from my house, since you know, he knows who I am and I know who he is.
Speaker 1:Figured it out by now.
Speaker 3:Let's put the pieces of the puzzle together got it and you know, like we talked, on Tuesday he comes and gets me, we go eat and everything. Have a great time again. Come back to Coleman. We go back to my house and sit and talk and you, you know he tells me about, you know, things that happened in his marriage and I tell him things about what happened in my marriage and that whole thing and we didn't get to talk like we were texting. You know we still talked every day but you know he got his kids and I told him I was like you know your kids are important, you know. You know whenever you're free from them, you know whenever you're free from them, that's whenever you can talk to me, like I don't want to take your time away from your kids, that's how I've always been with anybody with children that I've dated.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so Thursday rolls around and he had said something oh, he needed, he talked about, he needed a charger.
Speaker 1:So I was only talking every day up until this Thursday, yes.
Speaker 3:So I had made mention to him. I was like, well, I could bring you one on Friday, and he never really said, yes, no, don't do it, whatever. So then on Friday we're texting and I had sent him a text message asking him what time he was getting off work that day and I think it was going to be like 6 o'clock'clock and I said, well, I'll be done. At 4 30 I could run this charger up to you and bring you a little prize, because I had went by Dutch's and no plug to Dutch's great cookies. Um, I went and got some cookies and everything and I was like I could bring it to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's so sweet I never heard back from him ever yeah and you know he's it was both with iPhone so like and he had it. You know, whenever he read the text message oh, he had his red receipts on yes, yes, he had his red receipts on so um, you know so. Saturday rolls around, he doesn't read. Saturday rolls around, he doesn't read it. Sunday rolls around, he doesn't read it monday.
Speaker 1:Oh, he hasn't read it.
Speaker 3:No, he hasn't read it still, but I know that like he, because, like whenever we were together, like I saw that, like he does it, like his, his text messages pop up where he could read it right there, you know.
Speaker 3:But oh, so he already saw it but not the whole thing, you know, because like it only shows so much in that little bubble. So then um Monday no Sunday afternoon I sent him another text message telling him that you know I was cause he had something going on Monday. I told him that I was praying for him and hope that it went well and be careful going, cause he had to go to Tennessee. I was like, be careful going because he had to go to tennessee, I'll be careful going to tennessee. So monday rolls around, doesn't respond. Tuesday night he finally reads the text message at like 7 45 and never responded.
Speaker 3:So I got ghosted by a preacher y'all, you didn't respond to him oh good, no, like, and I never heard back, like, like I never heard from him ever again and I never sent him a message again.
Speaker 2:Nikki on behalf of preachers, I am deeply disappointed and sorry that this person. That's a shame. And you want to deal honestly and walk honestly, and ghosting does not do that. So anyways, from that, I guess again giving preachers a bad name. I'm kind of bitter about that. Be better, do better, that's right but anyways, corey, do you have any stories you care to share, or we could just keep on with the questions.
Speaker 1:I can. Yeah, I mean I have stories I can tell y'all, okay. So how many did you have more good dates or more bad dates?
Speaker 3:you would say um like first day yeah or yeah, yeah, yeah, first dates so, in all honesty, like the ones that I have gone out with ended up like turning into a relationship, so literally, has never been my experience. My first bad dates were my two blind dates that I went on.
Speaker 1:Like those.
Speaker 3:Those were my two, two bad dates.
Speaker 1:So I had a a handful of good dates and it was nice it was just like nice to go out, be like have your dinner paid for, like having conversations. Sometimes it wasn't great conversations, but the worst one is okay. So it is it is. It is something that happened to me.
Speaker 2:Cori is collecting herself to tell the story. Yes, Okay.
Speaker 1:So because there's no like buildup to it other than like I'm driving. I met with this guy on Hinge right. I remember it was the day before Thanksgiving and I'm driving to Huntsville and I'm like my eye is really itchy, oh gosh.
Speaker 1:You got pink eye and I was developing pink eye on the way to the first date, oh gosh, and I thought it was an eyelash or something. Yeah, I know, and like, as we're like going through the date, like I'm like rubbing my eye, like all my makeup is off, and like this guy is like still, like you know, seems to be into me and stuff.
Speaker 3:With one mascara to eye and one not mascara, I know.
Speaker 1:And then I was, and then, like through the night I was telling him, I was like this is not good, like I hope it's not this, and he was like you know, it's not that bad. I look like Quasimodo. This is bad. This is the first time I've ever met you. You know, and I know I straight up had pink eye on my first date with this guy, but also my first date getting back into this, you know what I mean. Started out with a bang right, it didn't help.
Speaker 1:You build confidence no, and then I'm like, is this what it's gonna be like? And then he was um, but he goes to me after that it was the pink guy I don't know, I mean probably, but no, it's the poor character and like he um you are victim blaming.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:He was like he was like I want to be so mad if I get pink eye.
Speaker 2:And like no, I'm kind of like I hope that he did, because he was like he was like, cause I have contacts.
Speaker 3:And now.
Speaker 1:I'm just like. Well, I hope you got a set of glasses. Loser, I hope they scratched your eye, I just Ghosting.
Speaker 2:I don't understand it.
Speaker 1:So now I've ghosted too, corey.
Speaker 2:Oh Corey.
Speaker 1:I know so, corey, now we're on the.
Speaker 2:Look at me like that. We're on the other side. So now you're saying you have ghosted.
Speaker 1:Why other side, so so. So now you're saying you have why, why, well, what is well, um, just overwhelming, like, um, like stuff coming through that I might forget about somebody over here that I was having a conversation with. So it wasn't like I was like I am going to leave them wondering. And you weren't trying to devastate people, right? I'm not like I am going to leave them wondering you weren't trying to devastate people. Right, I'm not like I am trying to mess with your self-confidence.
Speaker 3:I'm going to ruin your life.
Speaker 1:Yes, because anybody's life without me in it is already in shambles.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:But that is a joke.
Speaker 2:That is a joke.
Speaker 1:So, corey, what you're saying is maybe just busy have different things going on at once, but also like I can only say that I'm not interested enough for me just to have to leave, so you let them know though, like you, let them know it was yeah.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't call that ghosting. That's not ghosting.
Speaker 1:That's not ghostinging is like I like you, we're like doing this thing. And it's like never talk to him again.
Speaker 3:Ghosting is not answering a question that you ask someone and like Having a good time, both of you saying what a good time you both had. And then all of a sudden, You're just gone Like if you.
Speaker 1:Well, I've had that too. If you have, I may have done that, but I don't know for sure. I mean, it's hard to. Go back and think it's hard to go back. I try not to.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, it's not good to live in the past.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I mean like they're yeah, I mean I have, I've done it, I've done it.
Speaker 3:But you know, if you've told them multiple times that like this isn't going to work, and they still can't grasp that and this and this same person, this, this particular person that I'm like, that I brought up.
Speaker 1:It was like I told him I wasn't interested, I thought this is what I wanted to do, and, like it just felt really pushy about it, like, well, I respect that, like I respect what you're saying and like what you want and like stuff like that. And then, and then he was like, but I'm willing to try if you are, oh gosh, and I'm like, well, then you don't respect anything that I just said. You know what I mean, yeah, and so, like I can only like make it clear so many times, in many different ways, to the point where I was even like, how many different ways? Do I need to tell you that?
Speaker 1:I am not interested.
Speaker 3:He just wasn't accepting it.
Speaker 1:There is nothing here, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then it was like and then it was like and then he was just shot and I'm like you are less delusional some people live on the island of delusion, and delulu is the salulu yes, some people are delusional, I do understand. Yeah, now, uh, oh, do you want to continue with that?
Speaker 1:No, I mean I was just trying to think of other stories, like there was this one guy, like it was almost too good where I was, like I don't want to see you again. You know what I mean? It was so good yeah.
Speaker 2:You were like uh-oh, I'm in trouble. Well, just because he was like like oh. I'm in trouble.
Speaker 1:Well, just because he was like here, like for work and stuff. And in hindsight I see now, okay, because after dates and stuff like that, like over the next couple of days, do you like replay stuff? And you're just like I didn't catch that until after I thought about it. I do that a lot. No, until after I thought about it I do that a lot. No, I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 1:Well, actually I'm kind of glad I do, because I catch things that I did in the beginning, yeah. And now I'm thinking like, oh, he's traveling from work, so he probably has a girlfriend, you know. Yeah, but that's not something he would be honest, right About up front to me, right, you know. So I thought about that later. I'm like I bet he does, which is really sad, and don't do that, yeah, but anyways, he was like my type 110%, and I'm like he was my type, he was beautiful, he was so funny, we had so much fun together and I'm like you need to get out of the state because I'm going to fall in love with you and you're going to break my heart.
Speaker 2:You need to leave now. And due to his job he obliged.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean like yeah, so did you find out if he had a girlfriend?
Speaker 3:or not. No, I quit talking to him.
Speaker 1:I deleted him. I know, is that like self-sabotage in a way?
Speaker 2:I don't know, because okay so let's say, there's someone else that comes into your life that fits all those descriptions.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Are you automatically going to be like?
Speaker 1:well, I'm not going to go for that. Well, I mean, like he was out of state, so it's like even if I wanted it to work, but if he was in state. Oh, in state. Yeah absolutely Okay. So that's not self-sabotage. Because you're saying if something's more realistic you'll go for it, yeah, if something's long distance.
Speaker 2:No, no, okay, no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that was like, it was just like darn you know, but hope he's doing well.
Speaker 2:If you're out there listening. I love you, I'm just kidding, but are you totally not interested? Uh, but unless you are, then we can.
Speaker 1:Then let's talk about it a little bit yeah, just call me and we'll talk about it. Wait, I gotta unblock your number first right yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah all right, so speaking of that just you said darn, and sometimes there's a hint of kind of like man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and OK, I've heard not not going to do blind dates and we're going to put the dating apps away. Sometimes there can be, I know I hear like discouragement discouragement in the dating area, especially after the beginning of the episode. We described the dating pool, so favorably.
Speaker 2:Now, what would y'all say to others in your situation that are this gets into maybe a faith element, theological Bible, wherever you want to go with this, they're discouraged that they're like well, am I worth loving, am I lovable? Am I worth being in a relationship with. They start to get those self-doubt kind of feelings. So, with y'all, what might you say to people who are? Maybe they've just had a bad dating experience? Or whatever, what might y'all say to people in that kind of headspace? Does that make sense?
Speaker 3:I mean, I still go through that, you know, and I've been divorced for seven years now yeah, seven years. Because you know you date guys and you think, oh, this is going to work out. You know you date guys and you think, oh, this is going to work out. You know, this is great. And then their you know their walls come down and you realize you're not who you were whenever we first started dating. You know, like literally Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, you know. So it's one of those I feel like now this is just me personally, not that I've experienced this, but I feel like whenever the right person comes along, like you will know. But it's also having to put yourself out there to find that right person. But there's also one thing that I've had to like, like, tell myself, and it's one of those. I know people are trying to be so incredibly sweet whenever they say this, but sometimes this doesn't need to get said. Well, you'll find somebody.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:You know like cause? It's one of those. Jesus didn't have anybody, peter didn't have anybody.
Speaker 1:It was like you can't, you know you can't promise that you can't. You don't have anybody. Peter didn't have anybody.
Speaker 3:It was like you can't, you know you can't promise that you can't, you don't tell me like that, maybe that's not what God has for me, maybe God does want me to be single for the rest of my life, and that's I mean. That's something that I have to be okay with, you know. So don't get my hopes up and say, well. Don't get my hopes up and say, well, you'll find somebody. Maybe not. What if I don't? You know like what if I sit here and I try, you know, for a decade to find someone?
Speaker 2:Can I psychoanalyze that statement?
Speaker 3:a little bit Absolutely.
Speaker 2:People say that one they often mean well they do, but partly it's to almost relieve themselves of the responsibility of walking with you through life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So oh, you'll find somebody. It's a way of like kind of glib, kind of throwaway comment a little bit, even if people mean well and you're like well, what if?
Speaker 1:I don't.
Speaker 2:And you still, you want people to walk with you and be with you and to develop relationships with you, and and it's like almost a way of I'm not using the right term, but it's almost a way of not dealing with that- oh, you'll find somebody.
Speaker 1:yeah, that's what I was thinking as you were saying it, because I'm like people are probably just like if you're in that kind of predicament and you say something about it, they're probably really uncomfortable Trying to say something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or they're just like. You know, what do you say? Well, first of all, that's not probably the right thing to do, right? We just be a friend and we just be there. You know, if, like, if that's something that's really like important to you, or that you're going through that's something that's really like important to you, or that you're going through, but going off what you said actually, because what I even wrote in my notes was using this time in dating as an opportunity to grow closer to God. Because then, as you do, because I've even gotten to the point, I think, nate, I even said something to you one time because I was just like I just miss being with God, because it was like I was putting so much time and focus into messaging back or feeling like I need to get caught up somehow to where it was cutting into different times where I would be praying, or it was just like I don't want to say consumed, because I wasn't like consumed by it but I wasn't putting God first.
Speaker 2:A little distracted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, distracted, and I just got to the point where I was just like I miss God, like I miss spending time with him, I miss you, jesus, like I want to get back to that. And so I had to like not, I had to like take a break from it and then build that back up and going into it I'm not as invested, you know. And then it's also like using that as an opportunity to go to grow closer with God and asking him, or like staying in prayer with him about all of the, all of these decisions to make, like about somebody, or like to pray over it, or you know that kind of thing. And I also ran across this. It was like a real or a video of John Bevere. Do you know who that is? You know who John Bevere is? That?
Speaker 2:name sounds super familiar.
Speaker 1:So he wrote he's an author. I don't know if he was a pastor, I know he's a speaker or he's like spoke at different, like big conferences and stuff and he but he wrote the book the All of God. So he's talking about like a healthy fear of God and how to walk in that and what it means, what it doesn't mean. But the one thing that stands out to me every time that I hear him talk or just like even in interviews, is about how much he loves his wife and, like in a very respectful way, you know, like he looks up to her and, you know, thinks that she is just the best thing. And I'm just, it's just kind of like, wow, like you don't really see a lot of that nowadays.
Speaker 1:And I remember this, the I came across this video and him and his wife, Lisa Bevere they do this podcast together and it was just a question. It was like what would you like not be so worried about in your 20s? That you know now type of question. And he was like I wouldn't be so worried as to who my wife was and I'm like, well, first of all, I'm like, oh well, you know, that's like a big relief, like that's a good way to think about it. But then also it's like but you can say that you can say that, because you found her.
Speaker 2:You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean Because you're married and yeah. So it's like I kind of go back and forth with that and like thinking that way of like, maybe I shouldn't be so worried, yeah, and be so worried, yeah, you know, and like growing closer with God, but then also like, if he's like you know, I don't know it's just like staying in prayer and just being. Yeah, we're still talking about advice, right, Like for others. Broadly, but but like also, just don't be naive.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know like use past experiences.
Speaker 3:If you see little red flags, those little red flags are always going to be there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, have we not learned our lesson? You know what I mean. So it's like, just don't be naive, use the previous experience as wisdom. And I mean I've even been in situations where I really wanted to pursue it. But I'm like this looks a lot like things that I've had in the past that went downhill really quickly and I actually really like this guy and I had to just quit talking to him and, uh, because I was like this is starting to feel familiar, like patterns or you know stuff like that, where I'm like like I had even talked to a guy.
Speaker 3:I met him on match and he had moved here from Reno and it was one of those he didn't have. He didn't have it listed like his religious religion preference or anything. And you know he told me that you know he wasn't a non-believer, but he just didn't know. And the more I got to thinking about that, I was just like I can't do this, so I had to end things. I was like I don't want my future spouse to be someone that I'm going to have to, you know, like be the one who is leading us, because that's what I look for is like I want someone who is not only actively involved in church, but one who actually has a solid foundation with God and has a relationship with him and helps, can help me grow closer to God. You know, and it's just one of those, the more I got to thinking about it, I was like he's, he's not that person, like yeah, it's just not worth it.
Speaker 2:No it's just not worth finding it out over and over and over.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know.
Speaker 3:Yes. So that that's what you about it a little bit earlier, like what you're looking for. You know, like that's one of those deal breakers, you know, it's just like I thought I might could you know, but like at that point we really haven't, we hadn't discussed it or anything like that. So I was just like, well, maybe it's there, but we did. And then, like one day it just came out and I was like, oh yeah, we're, this is just not going to work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and now on hinge, there's a option to where it says like Christian atheist or whatever, Well, it matched us too but his wasn't listed. Like you can.
Speaker 3:You can not have that to show.
Speaker 1:I mean, they can also say that they're Christian, and they you know what I mean. So it's like I'm not saying that. That means anything but that's like, you know, an automatic, like it's just because there's just like what I mean, it's just pointless. You know what I mean? It's like yeah it's just pointless.
Speaker 2:I'll take a moment to talk to pastors and church leaders out there. This is why, as church leaders, we have to be really careful to not make single people in our churches feel less than for being single, that sometimes the church is so family-oriented and parts of that are good that it tells our singles that you are less of a Christian, you are less of a person if you're not with someone, and that's completely not true. So y'all brought it up. You have Peter Paul, jesus I mean Jesus that should be example enough.
Speaker 2:You have famous passages like 1 Corinthians 7, talking about the single life a little bit there. So just, pastors, make sure when you're crafting sermons so, for one example, in seminary I was told when giving sermons, when you preach sermons, you look for analogies and stories. I was told to always be mindful, don't always choose stories from marriage when you're trying to illustrate a point. So that was just one practical thing. Just vary your illustrations and your stories and make sure that you treat the single people at your church with the honor and respect that they deserve. And obviously, singleness is a gift from God and you can do incredible things through for the glory of God, and so we want to make sure to emphasize that.
Speaker 2:So I guess, to close out the episode, just something a little bit more lighthearted. Maybe it's lighthearted, I don't know, but when it comes to things that you're looking for, there may be the broad ones, like a practicing Christian. Okay, there's also the you know you hope they're not, you know, I don't know physically abusive, right. So some things that that you look for, you don't want your partner to be. But outside of the big, obvious attributes, what are some things that may be unique to you?
Speaker 2:That's like hey in a future partner you might look for.
Speaker 1:Um, things that may be unique to you. That's like, hey, in a future partner you might look for, okay, so this is more emotional.
Speaker 2:That's fine.
Speaker 1:Like just the security, the safety.
Speaker 2:Secure and safe yeah.
Speaker 1:In the sense that, like, if there's an argument, I'm not walking on eggshells, afraid that you're going to leave if I bring something up, because that's been something of mine. So, like, just like, security communication. Yeah, but like yeah, I guess communication can like cover most of that. But yeah, I mean just because I've had that in previous relationships where it's like do I even bring this up? Because if I do, you know are they going to leave, and it's just nice just to know like I can bring this to somebody and just be like, can we talk about that?
Speaker 1:But knowing that at the end of it it's still going to be okay.
Speaker 2:So I hear patience and a good listener.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you don't want to be scared to have conversations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I was just trying to look at my list and I'm like I don't even know if I should even say that I have a list.
Speaker 3:Well, you know it's funny. He brings this question up and I'm sitting here going. I don't have a clue.
Speaker 1:Can I tell?
Speaker 3:you Like? I really don't.
Speaker 1:I mean is there something physical that's like a make or break for you? Because I have one, and it's weird. It's weird. Should I say it after.
Speaker 2:Go for it. We're here already, Kori, oh gosh.
Speaker 1:No, because I don't want everybody to be like that's weird.
Speaker 2:Is it like six toes?
Speaker 1:or something.
Speaker 2:Like what are Now? Mine is a height. Wow, how did I know?
Speaker 1:All right, so Nikki's is a height I have to have six toes, Good luck.
Speaker 3:No wonder you're still single right.
Speaker 1:There's more than you think.
Speaker 2:Corey's like you know, that day went really well, take off your shoes.
Speaker 3:I need feet pics. I will pay you $ dollars. Let's count them. It's time to count the piggies. Wait, what do I do with this extra piggy? What does he do? What did he do? The song did nothing about six piggies.
Speaker 2:I just that's so stupid. Alright, so let's give Cory a moment to compose herself. Nikki, all right, what's your height?
Speaker 3:Mine is height, because I mean, like I am taller for a girl, how tall are you? About 5'9". Okay, and I have dated guys that I have worn like not really heels, but you know like something with you know like something with you know like an inch height or so and like whenever we like, whenever I'm taller than you like. That's a deal breaker for me.
Speaker 1:But 6'5" you'd be like in the clear.
Speaker 3:Oh, absolutely Like 6'5 would be a solid.
Speaker 2:I feel like a lot of women would not turn down 6'5", but you know anyways.
Speaker 1:So you're saying height, my make or break okay, cory has composed herself barely. It's got to be. They have to have nice hands. I know huh define nice hands. I mean like just, you know just, but it's only nice hands to me. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:No, because like I don't Nikki's like. I don't know what that is. We'll talk about it later.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that's like a make or break for me.
Speaker 3:Like callous, like are you talking blue collar work hands or are you talking like computer work hands?
Speaker 1:Both.
Speaker 2:Both can be, it just depends.
Speaker 1:I would have, y'all would have to have pictures in front of me and I'd be like not good, those are good. See, that's. I pick up my fingers all the time so that would be a no.
Speaker 3:No. Well, there we go.
Speaker 2:Okay, your hands don't meet her satisfaction I guess so, and I don't have six toes, it's true so I you know you're out there we go okay
Speaker 3:so you, you got Bailey, corey Bailey loves me.
Speaker 2:I'm very thankful, corey. It's all about the hands and Nikki is height.
Speaker 3:So just things that we have, things we think about yeah and non-smokers, like physical, like I can't.
Speaker 2:Non-smokers.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, yeah, no, no.
Speaker 1:That's just a given, that's disgusting and yeah, but yeah, I mean I'm not, I mean there's not a, but I don't know why I said that, but we still love them yes yes, corey.
Speaker 2:If you smoke, corey wants to let you know we'll still love you yes, okay good.
Speaker 1:Yes, don't make them feel bad.
Speaker 3:I used to smoke my parents both my parents smoked and, like I'm allergic to it, so that's the other reason I was a cigarette smoker until Griffin was born.
Speaker 1:Did you know that?
Speaker 2:I did not know that Well alright.
Speaker 3:Anyway.
Speaker 2:Any other characteristics that come to mind. I want to end the show on a bit of a more light hearted no.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Anything else comes to mind.
Speaker 1:Good luck.
Speaker 2:Good luck.
Speaker 3:Good luck out there, godspeed, just take your your time, don't rush it.
Speaker 2:That's the major thing take your time, don't rush it's not everything.
Speaker 3:Have fun in the grand scheme of things, just have fun don't take it so serious. Get to know the person. Don't dive in head over heels right off the bat. Just take your time.
Speaker 2:Take your time.
Speaker 3:A good six to nine months.
Speaker 1:Good six to nine months. For what?
Speaker 3:To really like get to know, like that's when the walls will start coming down.
Speaker 2:At first I was like between dates, like how slow are we going?
Speaker 1:That's my kind of pace. We're going that slow.
Speaker 3:Our first initial date and then six months later, and then nine months later we'll have three dates.
Speaker 2:We'll have three dates. Yes, all right. Corey and Nikki, thank you for hopping onto the podcast with me. I hope you had a good time.
Speaker 1:It's been so much fun. Thanks for having us. Absolutely Thank you.
Speaker 2:All right, friends, we'll keep the episodes coming. We release about one episode per week here at the Dangerous Faith Podcast. Check us out Instagram, facebook, twitter I guess it's called X. I prefer Twitter, but anyways, I'll talk with you later, thank you.