The Dangerous Life Team tackles friendships. How do we develop good, healthy relationships? What mistakes should we avoid? It's a good time as the crew roasts each other and dives into friendship wisdom.
Website: www.dangerousfaith.net
YouTube: Dangerous Faith
Rumble: Dangerous Faith
Instagram: nwdangerousfaith
Twitter: @FaithDangerous
Facebook: @NWDangerousFaith
The Dangerous Life Team tackles friendships. How do we develop good, healthy relationships? What mistakes should we avoid? It's a good time as the crew roasts each other and dives into friendship wisdom.
Website: www.dangerousfaith.net
YouTube: Dangerous Faith
Rumble: Dangerous Faith
Instagram: nwdangerousfaith
Twitter: @FaithDangerous
Facebook: @NWDangerousFaith
Welcome to another episode of Dangerous Faith. Today we're talking about healthy relationships, healthy friendships. It can be on romantic type stuff, but also just friends as well. It doesn't have to be either one per se. With us we have the one and only Blake, Justin, Mariah, Chloe and Zeke. We picked him up off the street, Glad to have him as well, and they have spent the last 15 minutes, or really last few years, just roasting my existence, and so I hope you all have had a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:Thank you for making it so easy.
Speaker 3:man, it's what I do we owe it all to you.
Speaker 1:But anyways, it's wonderful to get to talk with all of them here today, so I'm just gonna open it up. What are some healthy habits or practices if you want good friendships? Does anyone want to start us off, justin?
Speaker 2:Something that I struggled with with Sorry, something that I struggled with with my friendships Sorry, I know you can't see because we don't do a video today, but Blake is dummy and he shoved me right in the mic. But you need to be honest, you need to be openly honest and you need to sometimes not be afraid of hurting each other's feelings, as living with one of my best friends and me and him wanting to murder each other to death.
Speaker 1:Murder each other to death.
Speaker 2:That's really murderous If we would have been a little bit more honest with each other. It probably would have helped.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, chloe, what are you thinking? I know you have some thoughts for us.
Speaker 4:I think, definitely communication is really important, and that's whether you're talking about positive things or maybe if there's some kind of tension between you two, it's good to just go to that person and talk it out, no matter what. Another thing I think is really important is just taking the time to check up on each other.
Speaker 4:Yeah, whether that be physically, spiritually, mentally, like whatever, because you don't just have friends to go shop with or go do fun stuff with. That's not why friends are there. Friends are there to build. You want to build a community and you want to be there for one another and support each other. If someone is lacking in something, then it's important for someone to check up on them and that way they can be a friend to them and a resource to them to help them through that.
Speaker 1:So, Chloe, because I'm a great listener what I heard you say is that you cannot have fun with friends. Is that accurate?
Speaker 4:No, you can definitely have fun with friends, but it's not all about the fun.
Speaker 1:Not all about the fun, see, I would make a good reporter and a journalist with just my accurate takes on what people say, but any other thoughts there? How do we develop healthy friendships?
Speaker 5:It helps if you're good-looking and rich.
Speaker 1:Good-looking and rich, is that a personal experience.
Speaker 5:Oh heck. No, you can look at me and know that I'm either not rich and I'm ugly.
Speaker 1:Blake with the self-rust. Hey, you're married.
Speaker 5:Don't you be flirting with me. I love you, blake. No, stop it, I'm gonna kiss you.
Speaker 3:Oh no, I definitely don't want that Zeke. I think it's not on video this time, I think people can tell we're laughing.
Speaker 1:I don't know, but Zeke what are some of your thoughts? Like in a world of people are superficial, people are shallow. How do we develop good, healthy friendships?
Speaker 3:Aside from just throwing someone to the curb whenever they start to get annoying. I guess if you're gonna try and be healthy, one of the things I've found the best is getting into deeper conversations that kind of goes for with anyone. It's hard to really be close friends and have really healthy relationships if you don't really talk about the deeper things in life, whether that be spirituality, like church, but also other stuff like friends and family and things that you're going through.
Speaker 1:So, zeke, how do we develop? That Did you okay? So I know you go to school. Do you go up to a classmate and be like, hey, we take this chemistry class together, this math class, whatever. Can I look at your web engine search history browser? Is that how things go? How does it? You know? Oh, you just lost your mom. Tell me all about it. Like, how do we develop?
Speaker 3:like talking about some deeper things, Well, for me, I have to go against my nature because you know how I love formulas and just. Things work a certain way every time and unfortunately that's not how you develop friendships. It's more of through. It helps if, like, you work with that person because you have like a common goal, hopefully, that you're going towards, or a common enemy, depending on where you work. Y'all understand, yeah, walmart, not to call anyone out.
Speaker 1:We love our local Walmart distribution center. Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:It's definitely not the bottom of the pits of hell.
Speaker 5:Definitely not Smells like it. Please don't fire me.
Speaker 1:Let's hope no one at the Walmart distribution center is listening. Anywho.
Speaker 3:I mean it could be school, like you asked about school. So like the way that I've gotten closer to some of my friends at school is like we'll spend time together outside of class and naturally, if you just do stuff together, eventually things are going to come up, because everyone's got tough things to go through in life. So if you're close enough friend, they're going to be willing to share that with you, and you also do. If you want to make the first step, you share things with them too, once you've earned that kind of trust with them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. Now let's flip the question on its head a little bit. What are common friendship mistakes? What are things that it's like? Man, I have sunk past friendships based on this.
Speaker 2:Justin, go ahead. Claude, did you raise your hand for something?
Speaker 1:We'll get to Mariah after you.
Speaker 2:Okay, one thing that I would like to say is it's important, if there are certain boundaries that you have with each other, that you need to make sure you keep them. Good example quit slapping Nate. But a good example of that is like me, and like me and Blake. I view Blake as like, but I'm not gonna say lover, that's not right?
Speaker 5:Did you almost say lover? What is wrong with?
Speaker 1:you, we affirm traditional Christian orthodox relationships. Why do you do this?
Speaker 2:I'm very close with Blake and Blake is not somebody who I take criticism from very well, so I have someone like Nate, who is who's who I'm returned to for advice and critiques on stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Justin, I'm glad to know that I never annoy you.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's not true. You never get frustrated with me.
Speaker 1:I take that to heart. Thank you, justin, no problem. No problem, mariah, you had some thoughts to share.
Speaker 6:Well, I was just gonna say this goes with, I guess, relationships and friendship, anything in life to me. Making assumptions, I think that happens very frequently. We all do that a lot and it can sometimes be hurtful, you know, depending on the situation, or you may just be completely wrong on a topic of what you think about someone. So I think that's kind of important.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think a lot of times, as Christians, we have an advantage for that if we would use it properly. So like if we weren't Christians and someone does this wrong, like we could just say like they shouldn't have done that. But I mean, like, why shouldn't they have done that? Like there's no one to tell them that they shouldn't have. There's no like moral code that they are appealing to. They're just saying, okay, well, I think they shouldn't have done that. Okay, that's what you think. So what? Yeah, but it's like Christians, like we believe that there's like objective morals, like things are true and things are false. So like as if I'm friends with a Christian, I can be like, hey, there's certain things that you shouldn't be doing and we can give judgment and correction to each other. But also, like, if we're both Christians, I can assume talking about assumptions, I can assume that if we're close enough and we've been friends long enough, that you're not doing something intentionally to hurt me if I know you well enough.
Speaker 3:Same with marriage. You know, if Chloe comes home and she sees that I've done something she doesn't like whether it's like not clean dishes or whatever it is, it's something that annoys her then she can either say, oh, he doesn't care, he doesn't love me, he didn't do it for XYZ reason or she can look at positive like, oh, he must have forgot. Either I'll do it or I'll remind him. It doesn't have to be a big fight. It's same for friendships, like if your friend does you, does you wrong, and you know that friend well enough, then you don't have to assume, oh, they're out to hurt me. It could be like, oh, they probably weren't thinking I'm gonna give them grace, I'm gonna go, like Chloe said earlier, I'm gonna go talk to them about it and give them a chance to, you know, speak to what it was that harmed you yeah, that makes sense, just assuming the worst yeah, don't make assumptions.
Speaker 1:That's very important.
Speaker 4:Chloe, I think you had something you wanted to share yeah, I was gonna talk about assumptions, like assuming the motives behind what people are doing you can't ever do that because you have to just like. You might not know the whole picture, but another thing I think is really common between especially women is talking about each other behind their back or talking about someone else behind their back like that's, that's damaging for friendships, marriage, co-workers, like literally anything, because they're gonna find out eventually.
Speaker 1:Chloe, I remember saying this something, something like this, recently in church. I get it, it makes sense, but as long as we share gossip with reference to like, oh, I'm praying for you or we can pray for that person, it's okay, then right, you know, just sharing things and gossiping and then just saying, oh, I'll pray for you, okay doesn't quite work to me a minute to understand why not why not?
Speaker 5:why not? Just I don't know, that seems really critical it is for sure, aren't we, aren't we all hypocrites?
Speaker 4:yeah, chloe. Yeah, we are, that is me.
Speaker 5:We should try to be you sound like a false idol. Yes, that all made a lot of sense.
Speaker 5:No, be careful, don't assume things like one thing I can really damage friendships is a and I've been on the receiving end and I've been the person that has done this before is when you take advantage of someone's trust, that can be really damaging to a lot of friendships.
Speaker 5:You know, there's like a when we come, like because we don't want to be alone, so we'll tend to be more trustworthy to our friends, like we'll share things that we wouldn't normally tell anybody else or, you know, bring them apart into a very intimate situation that you wouldn't allow anybody else in outside world. And there are some people and, like I said, I've been guilty of this before that use that to their advantage and they use it to either get what, get what they want, so feed their selfish needs, or they use it as like social gain. So it's like, hey, I can exploit this person and reach a hierarchy of friends and that can really really damage a lot of friendships and in fact, it can cause some people to never, ever want to seek having any kind of friendship, like because they're so scared of getting done wrong again yeah, because at the end of the day, when you do that, you're turning the person who you're treat.
Speaker 3:You're calling a friend, but you're treating them like a product, like you're. It's like modern consumerism, but with people like. I'm gonna use this person for something that I get and return, not because of the person themselves yeah, absolutely for sure.
Speaker 5:Sorry, I just thought of it, but like speaking on that like hurting the trust, like if we look back to like Jesus and the disciples, right, well, we consider Jesus and his disciples when we consider them friends even though I was a mentor teacher relationship. Yeah, because you know Jesus knew somebody was gonna portray him and betray him my bad, not portray, betray him both. You know we. We know it's Judas did. Jesus knew it was gonna be Judas right oh yeah.
Speaker 5:So why do you like? Obviously, jesus knew it had to be fulfilled, but do you ever think in the back of his mind how come he never treated Judas differently, you know? I mean, he still taught him everything, still knowing that he was gonna betray him in the end.
Speaker 1:I think there's the love component that he loved Judas. Also, there's the part that you mentioned it had to be done, yeah, like he had to be caught at a time when he was away from the crowds because he was very popular. Only one of the disciples would have known him to be in a weak spot in order for the authorities to take advantage and put him under arrest. So several things. But also, you can love someone. We all think of people in our life that we love dearly and we want to serve and help, but we guard our hearts with. Yeah, we might not share all the personal things. My guess is well, jude, jesus Mentor Judas, he knew Judas, his heart and Maybe kept him at arm's length when it came to certain things.
Speaker 1:Got you so my guess is he probably still had boundaries. Yeah, speaking of which, does anyone here struggle with putting up boundaries in their friendships? Thanks, several of us to do. And what? What does that look like? Can we think of healthy boundaries in relationships again, this could be romantic, but also just with friends as well. What's an example of a healthy boundary?
Speaker 3:I think one that comes to mind it's kind of the opposite of what we were just talking about, of like, where you're using someone to get something like to get a higher rank or whatever it is. You can also do that the opposite, where you use someone as your counselor instead of as your friend.
Speaker 5:Oh.
Speaker 3:I'm sure Nate's never experienced that never, so we're like that you only go to that person because you need to talk or because something's going on with your life, but you never stop and to ask about them. Yeah, yeah, I would be very careful, because I think that's easier to fall into because of the motives aren't as obvious right away, because you're kind of thinking about other things. And if you find yourself in that, like I think you know, then a good thing to do would be to apologize to that friend, but also and then try to develop an actual relationship, not just if it's gonna be that that's not really a friendship.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, I think that's important.
Speaker 1:Just check in on one another, blake, can you?
Speaker 5:ask the question one more time.
Speaker 1:So I'm trying to see if my what are healthy boundaries and friendships, relationships, things that can just help a friendship to grow, as opposed to, I guess we're off in dangerous directions. That's Justin.
Speaker 2:Did you have something? Yeah, I was gonna.
Speaker 5:I'm gonna speak just for the relationship aspect, just because I, like, have a not a lot of experience. That sounds bad when I say this, but I have experienced this side of it. And when it comes like romantic relationships, a healthy boundary that you can set, especially in a Christian relationship, is finding other ways to To be intimate with each other, without it being Physical, if that makes anything. If we all know what we're talking about, we're all adults. So, yeah, like it's because God has set that aside for Marriage.
Speaker 5:If you take that sacred, holy thing and you begin to, like, experiment with it, you know putting yourself in situations where you're more susceptible to Fall into that lust aspect.
Speaker 5:You know that can damage, that, can damage your relationship because all of a sudden you instead of like, instead of not that's not nice seek that, uh, instead of a lost my turn to thought Instead of like being together and like having like, like a healthy relationship, it's soon becomes like that. That thing becomes what you have in common, like that happened to me. Like I was a part of relationship where the only thing that we had in common was the physical intimacy and eventually that can only go so far Until you eventually you get, you get bored with each other, and I think that's why it's so important to save that for marriage, because, like once, you, if you, don't even focus on that in your relationship, well, now you have all these other things that you can focus on. Like you can figure out each other's like, what each other likes, dislikes, like you have so many things that you can focus on, except for that physical aspect. Yeah, and you wonder why it's hard for me to have a like coherent thought when you're over here mocking me, nate.
Speaker 1:We are not, not my time audience might happen. The table you are doing.
Speaker 6:This is gonna turn into an.
Speaker 1:ASMR channel I sure hope you guys. Justin, what are your thoughts on boundaries?
Speaker 2:I'm well, I was gonna call back to kind of what I said earlier. They're gonna be friendships in your life that are callback. Thank you, thank you, don't me, thank you. But there are gonna be certain people in your life who you're gonna view in more of a mentor status, like for me. That's people like Nate and people like Zeke, who I will either get critiques from or I will seek advice from, and then there are people like the, the jerk next to me, who is currently making fun of my hand signs and stuff that I'm doing, and there's a certain finger that I would love to Show that friend.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's that's it.
Speaker 2:But that I don't really seek advice from him me and him or pals and we help lift each other up, but I don't necessarily. I don't take critiques from people like that very well. So I think it's a okay to have certain friends do certain things for you. Otherwise you can get into fights and arguments.
Speaker 5:Even though I do give solid advice. Blake gives incredible advice, I really do.
Speaker 1:Never, mariah, you had some thoughts.
Speaker 6:Actually I agree with that, Like definitely. I've thought about that a lot actually. I think different friends do have different roles and that doesn't make it like in a superficial way. I think it's more just like kind of like personality types too. If someone's more harsh personality and you don't respond well to that, you're not going to listen to them when they try and give you advice, versus you know, if you are hanging out, shopping, doing whatever, playing pickleball, and you know it's different than us. I think it's just different.
Speaker 2:You put that a lot better than I did, mariah.
Speaker 4:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Chloe, you had some thoughts.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I have like, speaking from personal experience, like a boundary that I've kind of had to start like playing out in my relationships is I don't want to be the only friend who is reaching out and trying to hang out with someone. Hey, because that has happened to me so many times where I'm like friends with someone for a really long time, maybe from like a couple years ago, and then we kind of like I go to college, they go to their own place, and then I'm reaching out, texting them, hey, like how are you doing? Can I like, like can we go hang out sometime? I miss you, and then either they don't answer for 10 million years or they just don't answer at all.
Speaker 1:We'll talk with Zeke about that. Make sure he responds and their name is.
Speaker 4:Zeke is great at it, but it's just kind of the whole like ghosting thing to me, because at that point you're the only person in that relationship and it just feels like I think that's interesting concept, ghosting not just with romantic relationships, but we can have friendships that way.
Speaker 1:We're like you said, we're trying to reach out, trying to connect in some way, and they are not responding.
Speaker 4:That's an interesting way of putting it, and I think friends can definitely, like you know, go part over time with, like you know, different circumstances, beliefs like whatever, but I don't know. I also feel like there is a ghosting aspect of it too.
Speaker 5:Yeah, yeah, I kind of like think about no, you say that, right, I do have some friendships that I was really close with a like a good group of people and I hardly ever talked to them now, and so I don't know if it was necessarily ghosting, but I do think that a sign of like a good. I don't know if it's a sign, but to me, if you do grow apart and you do kind of go your own separate ways and you like see where you're at in life and then you see where they're at in life, like sometimes I think that's more of like God stepping in on your behalf and like making it easier than having to maybe have that tough conversation. Like he just kind of allows that friendship to fizzle out and there's no like animosity or anything towards one another. Like you might can see them out in public. Like I've seen a couple of those people that I'm talking about in public and I've been able to have like a really good, like short little conversation with them.
Speaker 5:But you can just tell like what we once had is just no longer. It's just not the same, and I don't want to force my like if they don't want me in their life. It's the same thing, like with God. Like you know, god's so loving that if you don't, if you don't want him to be a part of your life, well, he's not going to sit there and he's going to force himself on you Like he's going to be like, all right, if you want to make that choice, you make that choice. And sometimes I have to remind myself, like I can't force myself into people's lives, like if they want me there, they'll, they'll want me there, and I did the same thing. I'm not going to force, like Justin to be a part of my life if he doesn't want to.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank goodness, Finally. Is that why you?
Speaker 3:stopped returning my calls.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, uh, mariah, oh yeah.
Speaker 6:Well, just to kind of um, I definitely think that, uh, friendships, also, certain walks of life, you have certain friendships in a sense of like we're not going to maybe be best friends with our kindergarten through elementary best friend anymore, just cause as you grow older and change and belief systems change, I think you're, you're going to be wanting to be around like-minded people. So if those aren't, then you will, will grow apart from them and like, like what's kind of saying it's maybe it's not necessarily negative. Sometimes it's definitely sad, I'd say like the nostalgia of like looking back at things for sure, but I don't think it's horrible all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, um, there are relationships for certain seasons of life. One healthy practice in a friendship is apologizing. Now we're all works in progress there. I know we all could probably apologize more, uh, except for Zeke, who's shaking his head. Zeke has never made a mistake in his life.
Speaker 3:He just doesn't know what I have to apologize for.
Speaker 4:Absolutely, and just marry him and you'll you'll know that.
Speaker 2:I would love to.
Speaker 1:Again we affirm our uh Orthodox, traditional Christian.
Speaker 2:If anybody saw Zeke, they would say the same thing.
Speaker 4:Too many people are in love with my husband.
Speaker 5:Yes, no, just one person is in love with your husband.
Speaker 1:Um, yes, so Chloe and I fight over Zeke all the time.
Speaker 2:But anyways, wow, yeah, we did.
Speaker 1:I'll rank you, justin.
Speaker 2:Sorry You're like his dad, he's not going to be with his dad.
Speaker 1:Anyways, this has quickly derailed. What I wanted to say was that we're talking about apologizing, and does anyone have any helpful, uh, just advice when it comes to that Cause? It's really hard to apologize. What do we do to? Is there anything to make it easier Like?
Speaker 5:um, what makes it, what made it really easy for me is uh well, can I speak from a Christian standpoint or do I need to? I want us to speak, in general, from a Christian standpoint. You know what? Yeah, look at that, did you want?
Speaker 1:me to go like in a secular view. I wanted you to speak from a all right, this is why I don't like you, anyways. Satanics, you are you are such a lawyer. You know that, gosh, you were such a lawyer, go ahead and speak from a Christian standpoint.
Speaker 5:Please. One thing that makes it easier for me to uh apologize to my friends is, uh one I know that you know Jesus has forgiven me and forgiven me of all the things that I have done, and I and I mean I have done some pretty nasty things, and so if I know that Jesus can forgive me, well, one, I know I can forgive others, but you know Jesus already knows what I've done and he loves me and I want to, and if I want to, like, let that example live through me, and so knowing that I'm able to humble myself and knowing that I have this gift of Christ and I know when I've wronged somebody or like, for instance, me, is equal play pickleball, and I get so beside myself playing pickleball and I'll just be. I'll admit I've been rude to him in the past couple of times we played, and you know whether that's competition or not.
Speaker 3:I shouldn't know. I should know Every single game for me, for real. I make zero mistakes.
Speaker 5:It's awful, but and it's the same thing with Nate like I get mad at Nate whenever we play pickleball and stuff like that, but regardless, that's just one example, but you know I need to understand that one. It's just a game, but I don't need to let these little things, my ego, how I should feel, whatever it is, get in the way of my, my beautiful friendships that I have with these two, and I don't want to let that little thing destroy it. It's kind of the same thing. I don't want to let little things kind of ruin our relationship with Christ. And so I have to constantly remind myself and knowing that and reminding myself of that it makes it, while it does suck, because I am a person that I don't like to admit when I'm wrong, and you know God keep helping me with that, so put me in situations where I'm wrong all the time.
Speaker 6:Lord stop praying for patience. That's quite often Blake. Yeah, it's awful.
Speaker 5:It's, it's awful, but hey, it's a learning experience. But yeah, like knowing that and allowing God to work through me, through those things, it makes it a whole lot easier to apologize and I feel a whole lot better. I feel like my relationship whenever I do apologize and I grow from it. I feel like my relationships just get stronger rather than like, fizzle out.
Speaker 1:That's a great point. As God has forgiven us, we are to forgive others and seek out forgiveness, justin.
Speaker 2:Uh, something else that's important too is, before you apologize, it's good to sit down and try to think nine times out of 10, it's not just a one sided deal. Unless, like someone robs you or something like that, obviously it's not your fault. You got robbed, unless you were to go around waving $100 bills above your head.
Speaker 5:You tend to do that a lot, I do when I have that, which never happens.
Speaker 2:But it's good to sit back and look from a perspective of we're both at fault and kind of self examine yourself to really see what you've done wrong as well.
Speaker 1:And that's a good way of putting it. Oftentimes, like you said, it's not all or nothing. It might be 70, 30, 50, 50, 60, 40, whatever, but we all can admit fault in some way.
Speaker 2:And believe me when it's come to mind in Blake's arguments. There's so many times where I've been like Blake is the only idiot here. Not my fault, never my fault, but it it is my fault.
Speaker 5:As you can see, justin is very egotistical and bullies me a lot, even though I just tried to just desperately be a good friend. Lies.
Speaker 1:Lies All right. Other side of in this podcast area we have other side of the table any thoughts on that, apologizing or asking for forgiveness. Let's talk about though this is important what we say when we apologize, because I think Gary Chapman has a book on like different love languages, but also different love languages when it comes to apologizing. What are important things to include in an apology, chloe?
Speaker 4:Well, definitely don't ever say I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:But that literally just takes away the whole apology, you're a child.
Speaker 2:That's not why I laugh.
Speaker 4:And. But you should say I'm sorry for dot dot dot. That way that other person knows why you're sorry and you're, and then they'll accept your apology.
Speaker 3:It's similar to that. I can't remember when it was, it's been a while but our pastor said a long time ago and they're one of his servants he was talking about you know, whenever we say I'm sorry, but you but, and then you go to give an explanation or an excuse as to why you did said thing, he said if you're giving an excuse, then you have nothing to be sorry for. You had it just for a reason. You have an excuse. So our sorry's, like she said, should be I'm sorry, but it should be I'm sorry, period, and you can go, or I'm sorry for it. Should our apology should be self Focus, not the other person focused, cause if we're sorry, we're sorry for something we have done. It doesn't have anything to do with them, and then they can. That opens up the door for them to do the same. But hey, they apologize for their part of it, whether it's 5%, 1%, Whatever their percent was, and then it opens up the door for them to be willing to do that as well.
Speaker 2:Another little piece to that as well. We talk about this in a celebrate recovery, but when you make an apology you also have to be prepared sometimes for when people don't accept that apology yeah you have to be prepared, because you can't just say I'm sorry and then they go Well, I don't forgive you, you have wronged me, you're terrible. And then be like well, listen here, you idiot. It can't go like that, so you have to be prepared to.
Speaker 2:Sometimes God will just make you wait a while, let it fester on somebody and they'll come and say well, I'm sorry too, but sometimes it may never happen. But no, you've done your part in that and apologize yourself.
Speaker 5:I think I'm glad you said that that comes with not only apologizing, but If you are like, if you are truly sorry for something, and it's the same thing like when you give a gift to somebody or something like that, it should come from the heart and that means like, and that's something I've had to learn and I'm glad I learned that lesson so young, because it's a it that does make it a whole lot easier to give gifts, to say I'm sorry, but don't ever expect anything in return. It's absolutely right don't.
Speaker 5:Because the minute you do that if like, for instance, you give the apology and they don't accept it and then you get angry because they didn't accept your apology Well, your apology where you weren't even sorry to begin with it's the same thing when you give a gift to somebody. You did it, you weren't doing it to out of just love, kindness, you just want to make them smile, or whatever. You did it because you expect something in return. That's selfish.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's very, very important. Yeah, those are great points. When you apologize, you say I'm wrong. That's what that? One's tough to say I was wrong. Also, if need be, sometimes it might be appropriate to have like a plan of action this is what I'll do, so it doesn't happen again, as is appropriate. And so just different, just different components of that. Well, let's see. Apologizing, communicating a Zeke, you have some let's flip the coin.
Speaker 3:What about whenever? Well, what about when you're the one who's been done wrong and the servant of apology? How do you? Oh?
Speaker 5:Dude, this happened. This happened to me today. I'm not gonna name drop, but there was a person. There was a person in my life that we had a very not no, seriously one you how are you told you about this? But we had a very, very bad relationship, very bad relationship.
Speaker 5:Just, it was toxic, whatever, and they did me so wrong like there, and I and I did them wrong. But I apologize for the things that I did before we completely into communication. I mean, I apologize profusely, didn't expect anything back and it hurt like not knowing, like that hurt, like it hurt me. For a while there was definitely a deep wound and you know, part of me in the back of my brain was like I really wish they would apologize to me because it feels like they got Away with doing me dirty and that was really. That was really when God was working on me. I didn't have that close of relationship. And then finally, when I really got close with God, he just kind of put all that aside and he said Blake, I'll handle it. You know, I need you to do it, what I've called you to do.
Speaker 5:And so, even though I never got that apology and this was years I continued to pray for them. I would pray for their family that things would go well, the things that they wanted in life, like, for instance, this person wanted it, wanted a new house, and I prayed that God would open up the doors to let them have that house. I prayed that they would get counseling for some of the things that they were dealing with and stuff like that. And Then this morning I woke up to a message from that person on Facebook and they wrote this big long Message talking about how they were sorry for the things that they had said and how they had treated me. And I got to a.
Speaker 5:It was awesome, it was like in that moment I was like man. That's what happens when you really put your faith in God and when he says I'm gonna take care of it, I'll take care of it. Now, you know I, I Know I didn't go into details with this person. I accepted their apology, obviously, and it's not a relationship that we're gonna build back Just because we're in two different points of life. But to know that God worked that into my life, it just I don't know it. Just this morning, it just really just reiterated Just how strong my love and faith in God really is. So I guess, if you're that person and you're waiting on that apology and you're a Christian, just put your faith in God. You may never get that apology, but just know that you serve a God that is merciful and he is just and he will Provide whatever you need in those moments and he'll take care of it.
Speaker 6:I was just gonna say to kind of go off that, what kind of how should we react if we, you know through prayer and it's God's plan that they never say anything to us and I think that's very hard to accept, to, just as Blake was saying.
Speaker 2:But I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's very difficult if you have been deeply wronged and the other person never apologizes and that's ultimately where, as Christians, our healing comes from God. That the other person does not define you. The wrongs, hurts, traumas, tragedies that you have gone through with the hands of another person, that again, it does not tell you who you are. God does. Our worth is found in the fact that God loves us. We're made in the image of God, we're saved, we look forward to a future in heaven for all eternity with Jesus Christ. And so ultimately, while other people can hurt us, they can't define us, they can't touch our value and our worth, and it's it's. It takes time, but ultimately coming to peace with the will of God, knowing that all things work for the good that's in Romans and just finding some solace, some peace in that. So I know that was kind of a quick answer, zeke, but it is very difficult. What happens when we never get that apology? That's okay, god has given us the words we need.
Speaker 5:Yeah, my bad, I didn't. I didn't answer that last part of your question about what are we doing. We don't get that apology, but you're okay?
Speaker 3:No, it's, it's all been good We've all I didn't ask that part. I just asked what do we do?
Speaker 6:That was my question.
Speaker 5:Oh sorry, Sorry, Got you yes that's my.
Speaker 5:So what do you ask? What do we do when we don't get that apology? I this is kind of like I don't know. I Guess my answer to that when you don't get that apology because, yeah, there are something it's the same thing. It's like when you don't get what you pray for, like, for instance, like when you pray like, hey God, I want this, or hey, god, I need this, and you don't get what you pray for, like, let's say, hey God, I need healing, and you don't get it like right away, or you don't get it the way you want.
Speaker 5:I Think it was something that Trent Dodson he preached on it, it was it's. It's like God saying God kind of says no to the good, like what you pray for. So like, hey, I want this, and he says no, but I have something better Because at the end of the day, god is great. Like God is all, all knowing, all powerful, he's good, he knows exactly what you need. So even when we don't think like, even if we think we deserve this and we never get it, god's gonna say, hey, if you trust in me, I have something way better than that and it'll fulfill you way more than that apology would, or that thing that you pray for would not saying you shouldn't pray for things, but Understand if it doesn't happen.
Speaker 5:There was a bigger. There was a bigger message behind it, like there's a bigger thing going on that you just can't see in the moment.
Speaker 1:I like that, blake. Sometimes God says no to things that can be good for things that are better. I love that, chloe.
Speaker 4:I think also we can look at it from like God's standpoint, because I think, like you know, we wrong God every single day of our lives.
Speaker 5:Oh yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean, if you're a Christian, you want to repent and ask for forgiveness, of course, but if you're not a Christian? But if you're not a Christian, they may never you know, quote-unquote apologize to God or repent or ask for forgiveness for God. But what does God do in return? He loves them anyways. Absolutely so it's the same for us. If someone doesn't apologize to us, that doesn't mean we need to hate them. I mean that just means we need to, you know, show God's love to them regardless.
Speaker 3:Yes, so is he. Yeah, heard a sermon about that exact same thing from Tim Keller, who I missed dearly, even though I don't get to see I've never got to meet him.
Speaker 5:He's awesome.
Speaker 3:Anywho he was talking about. There's a passage and believe it's in Psalms where At this one we've always heard is like vengeance, his mind says the Lord are you know, vengeance is the Lord's? Yeah, and like growing up always like okay, well, god's going to do right, he's going to make sure that they get the justice they need, and it's always like about the other person getting what they deserve. But his sermon pretty much ended please like. And he said okay, so that's true, it's on God to determine what happens to that person. He said but what did God do? What was his vengeance? His vengeance was John 3, 16, for he so loved them, or loved the world, that he gave his son for them. So if God's vengeance for them is love and care, I guess that means my vengeance for them should be love of care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. What does the vengeance look like? And it looks like John 3 16?. That's incredible how God kind of flips things on their head, that what we would want done, and God's like let me show you something radical and miraculous, and then he loves us in that way John 3 16. I think that's great.
Speaker 5:Blake, just real quick. I don't know if we've mentioned this, but I just want to kind of just really really fast. So we always say, like, as Christians, trust to love everyone, and when you know people are like well, if you're a Christian, you know you should love everyone. Why are you not everybody's friend? Da, da, da, da, da da.
Speaker 5:I've heard that a lot and it was a sermon that we Went over in youth and it really opened my eyes to it and I can't remember what scripture we used and maybe if I say it you might know, nate, but it's talking about a, it's talking about a. You know you, god loves everyone and he wants the best for everyone, but he doesn't allow Everyone to sit at his table, if that makes sense. So he has a place prepared for them, but like, for instance, when we die, as a place prepared for us in heaven. But if we don't want that, then he's not gonna force us to sit there. And as Christians, we need to take that example and put it in our own lives. We, I can love everyone and I can want the best for everyone, but I have to be very Aware of who I, who I let sit at my table.
Speaker 3:I think the verse you're thinking of. I think it's mark 2 Well, it may be in other gospels as well, but where Jesus is eating with the sinners and tax collectors and then the Pharisees come up to him, it's like look at him, who's looking eating with, and he's like I came for those who need help.
Speaker 1:Yeah those who believe they're righteous. So if you don't, need help.
Speaker 3:I'm not here for you.
Speaker 1:You all are so much more spiritual than I was. I was thinking of a two-pot quote. I don't know if it was some two-pot or not but it had something to do along the lines of I can want you to eat at a table, but just not mine close enough, so anyways, I actually said that. Yeah, chapter one, verse one.
Speaker 6:We'll have to back. Check you on that later, please back check me on that quote.
Speaker 1:but regardless, yes, you two did wonderful and I was not in the right headspace, but but but, anyways, as we close out this episode on just what, what does it look like to have healthy habits, do healthy things and friendships, to build relationships with people? We talked about apologizing, setting boundaries, communicating all those important things. Any other final thoughts on having healthy friendships?
Speaker 5:Rest in peace to book.
Speaker 1:RIP to park and Tim Keller. Yes, that's quite the the podcast episode quote right there. Anyways, keep on looking for episodes. We have about one a week. Like, share, subscribe our. We have videos with our YouTube channel, dangerous faith. We're also on Instagram, facebook, twitter, all that stuff. But yeah, thank you for coming on again. We have Blake, justin, mariah, chloe Zeke and myself and we'll be back.